I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
