alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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