i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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