OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
