Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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