Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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