Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
