i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
