Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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