don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
