you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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