ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
