I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
