He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My ass is underappreciated
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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