every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize
