she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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