Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
