very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
