Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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