i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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