i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
