It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
