OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
