last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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