I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
