So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
