I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize