Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
