I wish I could punch you in the face.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
