My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
