Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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