my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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