i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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