Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
