You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
