Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
