I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
