I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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