Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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