And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
