i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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