You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
