Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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