i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
