So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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