i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Alive.
So much puke
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
