It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
