His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
