yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize