the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
