butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
