sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
