somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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