woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's official drugs can't kill me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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