When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
