remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
