i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
