Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
