So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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