Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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