Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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