I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
