The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
