The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
