I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
